Fifty years ago, things were much easier when it came to weddings and who was going to bear the burden of paying for it. Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for the wedding and the groom’s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. This meant that the bride and groom got to start their married life without wedding debt and without fights over who pays for what.
Nowadays it gets a little more complicated. For couples who live together leading up to the big day, they may already be used to sharing expenses. Older parents may not have money to pay for weddings like they used to. Their assets may be tied up in retirement. This leaves many people on their own to figure out how to pay for their wedding without going broke and without causing fights.
Who is paying for the big event?
Before you decide on anything, couples need to get on the same page about who is paying for what. I think too many fights start because one person assumes the other person is paying for something and they think otherwise. You want to walk through this process without fighting, because no one wants to walk into marriage with a big fight they already need to apologize for.
After your engagement, talk to your parents individually. See if they can make a contribution to your wedding budget. If they can, ask what they’d like to pay for. Perhaps they would love to pay for the reception venue or the ceremony location. Find out what budget they have in mind, so you know what to expect.
Setting the budget
Once you talk to the parents, sit down and talk with each other. Discuss what your parents offered and see how that helps your overall wedding plan. Then decide on your own contributions to the big day. Money talks are hard and can get contentious. Don’t argue. This conversation is not about deciding between white or cream tablecloths. This is simply about how much money you plan to contribute to making your wedding day happen.
One of you may naturally be a saver and the other a spender, so this conversation may also require you both to make some temporary changes to your budget and to look at those numbers together. You are about to get married, so learning to budget and make tough choices is part of the process. Once you decide how much each of you can spend, it’s time to make a plan.
Spending the budget
Here’s where the rubber meets the road and things can get a little hairy. While one of you may have a castle wedding in mind, your budget may not meet that desire. Pick a handful of non-negotiables. Maybe for the bride it’s getting a mermaid dress and for the groom it’s having steak at dinner. Perhaps she wants sunflowers and he wants a groom’s cake with his favorite sports team. It’s important to make some decisions together to ensure that you each get your needs met. I’ve heard it said that the wedding day is for the bride and the night is for the groom, but the truth is, the wedding is for you both, especially if you’re both paying for it.
Ways to save
You may not want to budge on the wedding location, and that’s okay. But if you need ways to save in other areas so you can fit everything else in your budget, here are a few ideas:
Design affordable wedding invitations. One of the key items on any wedding checklist is the invitations. Fortunately, there are countless options to make these beautiful, but not over budget.
Keep the guest list small. Not only will that mean less invitations, it also means less mouths to feed at the reception and well, less of everything. While you may want everyone in the world to see how awesome you look and how much you and your hubby love each other, you don’t need to invite your third cousin from your great aunt-so-and-so if you’ve never met them. Plus, in this post-COVID era, many people prefer going to smaller gatherings.
DIY your wedding planning. While it might sound great to hire a wedding planner, they can eat up to 20% of your wedding budget. If you plan your own event, you can save big time. Another option would be to DIY the planning process then hire a day-of wedding coordinator. That way you get to relax and let someone else make sure the cake and the caterer show up on time.
About Mohammad Mustafa Ahmedzai
Speak Your Mind
You must be logged in to post a comment.